Left Alone
by WhouffleAddict
Summary: Clara finally sees the Doctor after six years of no communication whatsoever. She's not the happy, free-going Clara he once knew. As Clara get's angry with him, he keeps with him a secret. (Ugh I'm horrible with summaries sorry. I swear it's better than this makes it sound.) WARNING: Mature Language, and sad!Clara, and slightly dark!Clara. Inspired by You Found Me, by The Fray.


**This has mature language in it, so beware. Just a short one-shot I wrote. **

Clara stumbled down the street, her eyes widening when she saw the familiar blue box towering over. She stumbled back as the doors opened, setting her hand on the dark concrete wall to steady herself. He was covered in shadow when he stepped out, the moon not quite far enough to shed light upon him.

Her knees went weak with a mixture of surprise, relief, and anger. She wanted to say so many things. She wanted to _yell_ so many things. But most of all, she wanted to run to him, to hold him tight and never let him go, but she knew she couldn't, not after what he'd done to her.

She settled on one question. "Where've you been?" She asked, hoping her voice didn't sound as broken as she felt she was. Her eyes pricked with tears as he didn't answer.

"I'll let you say everything you want to, first. I believe I deserve it." He said. She despised the way his voice was so steady while hers was so weak.

She took in a deep breath, trying to make sure her voice would be as strong as his was. She didn't let go of the wall, knowing she'd likely fall if she did. She took an uneasy step forward, her willpower slipping for just a moment. Water splashed onto her flats as her foot landed on the hard pavement. She breathed out, holding back her tears. "Where were you?" She asked first. "Where were you when my entire existence was crumbling into pieces? When I had to deal with a thousand lives swimming around in my head?!" She brought a hand up to her head, the memories of the pain she had been in coming back. She tapped on her head. "Thousands, _thousands_, of lives, even more memories, banging away in there. _Bang-bang-bang-bang. Bang-bang-bang-bang._" She tapped her head with every _bang_. "Never stopping, _never_." She paused, swallowing hard. She lowered her hand, taking another step forward. "I waited for you. I waited and waited, just standing outside, looking for that fucking blue box of yours. Hoping that you'd come and _help me_."

"Clara." The Doctor breathed. She still couldn't see his face.

She frowned slightly, feeling like something was different, but she continued anyway. "After I gave up waiting, standing outside like a fucking _pathetic_ lost puppy, I stood by the telephone. I tried calling. But no, you never answered. So I gave up on that too. So I waited for you to call me. To tell me that you were sorry, that you were safe, that you were going to come back." A tear dropped down her cheek silently. "I WAITED FOR SIX GOD DAMNED YEARS!" She yelled, her voice echoing through the otherwise silent street. "But not _one… fucking… call._"

She crumbled, sliding down the wall, her sobs not so silent now. She banged her head against the wall, pulling at her hair. "Shut up! Shut up, I don't need your fucking input on this! Just shut up for one fucking moment!" The Doctor didn't move, but she suspected he was looking at her as if she was mad. "Don't look at me like that." She said, swallowing, wiping away her tears. "It's your fucking fault I'm like this. _Your fault!_" She sniffed, letting her hands fall limp at her sides. "They won't go away. They keep talking to me. '_Clara, run to him, forgive him.' 'Clara, it's not that big of a deal, just forgive him.' 'Clara, he's finally here! Go to him.' 'Clara, we've waited all of our lives for this chance! Go!' _Thousands, _thousands_ of them, nonstop."

She thought she heard him take a step forward, but he still hadn't moved. She looked up at him, the tears still flowing, nonstop, like a waterfall. "Why didn't you come?" She asked, her voice quiet, but filled with hatred. "Why did you make me wait all of these years?!" She pushed herself up. "What was so fucking important that you couldn't have at least _called_?!"

"Clara." He said again.

There it was again, and she frowned again. Something wasn't right, something was wrong. But she ignored it again, shaking her head. "You know what, don't answer that. You'll just say, 'Oh it was the TARDIS', or some bullshit like that." She leaned her back up against the wall, breathing in and out for a while, trying to steady herself. "Did you know that everyone always ends up alone, with no one there for them. You'll end up that way too, all of us will. With no one. No one there with us in the end. Because once you die, oh how I've wanted to die lately, once you die, that's it. You're just gone. Nothing else happens. It's just, poof, you're dead. There's no one there, there's nothing there. Just, a black abyss of nothingness." She turned to him. "You wunna know how I know that?" There was no response. "Because I've fucking died _over and over and over and fucking over _again. I've died _so many fucking times_… _for you. You. _You have no idea how much I fucking regret jumping into that blasted time stream of yours. I should've let you burn in _pain, _like I have." She took another step toward him, leaving only two yards between them. "I SHOULD'VE LEFT YOU THERE TO DIE!" She screamed, her hatred and anger spilling over.

She stumbled back against the wall, pushing her hair out of her face. "But no, old me wouldn't have done that. Nope. She was too in love with you. But present me; she knows that it's stupid to love a hateful creature like _you_. So what else is there to do with a hateful creature but hate him back?" There was a long silence where her tears dried. "I hate you so much, you know. _So much_. And you want to know the worst thing about that? There's a little part of me that hates myself for it. A _little_…" She brought one of her hands up, using her fingers to express how little it was. "_Little_ part of me that still loves you." She laughed bitterly to that, her hand falling back to her side. "That idiotic part of me that kept me hoping all these years."

She turned her head, frowning at the light hint of orange on the eastern horizon. She turned back at the Doctor as he took a step back. "What, afraid I'll claw your face off if I see it?" She asks with a bitter laugh. All her laughs are bitter now. There's no joy left in her. He didn't respond, and she frowned at him. "You know, you have _a lot_ of nerve coming back to me, after everything you've put me through. Did you think, 'Oh, I'll leave her at the Maitland's after Trenzalore and go away for six years, and then randomly come back to see how twisted she's become,'? If you did, mission accomplished. I'm a psychotic mess. I get hammered every night to stop the pain… the pain of the thousands of lives in my head, the pain of…" She turned away, swallowing. "You. The pain you've caused me." She looked down. "Mission fucking accomplished, mate. You've taken everything away from me, my friends, my family, my sanity. What else do you want?" She said, hating the way her voice quivered. She blinked as the tears began to fall again, shaking her head.

She snapped her head up again, glaring at him. "WHAT ELSE DO YOU FUCKING WANT FROM ME?!" She gasped, her eyes going wide. The sunlight enveloped him now, revealing a man she'd never seen before. A man with grey hair and glasses, dressed in a suit with… with no bowtie. She swallowed, staring up at him in shock. She took a step back, her voice quivering as she asked, "Doctor?"


End file.
